How to Stop Worrying What Other People Think of You

Do you find yourself looking over your shoulder, self-conscious, or fretful about how your actions will look to others? Fretting about other people’s opinions about you is in my view the number one thing stopping people dead in their tracks when it comes to living a life of fulfillment, joy, and potential. Why do most people worry about what other people think of them? We act out the lives our parents wish for us. Or we behave as our neighbors expect us to. Or the way society tells us to behave. And we dismiss who we really are as a result. Most of us live someone else’s life. Most people are driven by something called the Good Opinion of Other People. They need to validate themselves by other people’s opinions and their very identity is dependent on it. Getting approval, recognition, validation, and permission from others is a fast track to nowhere.  But I’ve got news for you. If you are playing that hamster wheel, it will be tough, and doomed to fail.

What is the number one thing stopping people dead in their tracks when it comes to living a life of fulfillment, joy, and potential that everybody is born with?

Swimming in the mud It’s like you would be swimming in mud and drowning slowly. Because at the end of the day … you are a unique person with your talents, skills, defaults, desires and motivations. Nobody else can be like you; you can not be like anybody else. What matters is what you make out of the things coming your way, and the way you can deal with it – whatever anybody thinks about it. You will get knocked off if you take things personally about what other people say about you. And the ability to side step this craving for approval is crucial. Your emotional maturity is not very high if you care a lot about what other people think. But the day you realize you are not here to please others but to grow and learn – that day will be a great one for you. I know it was a great day for me. I felt liberated!

Think about it! What can you ever be, where can you ever go, what will your identity be if you limit yourself to the mindsets and conditions set by opinions of people? 

We all want to be liked We all want to be appreciated for our many talents, our razor-sharp intelligence, our good nature, our sparkling personality ;). But when we give over our power to others, begging for their approval – we lose out on who we really are. Nobody else is living your life. They might have opinions or ideas, but the only person who knows what is best for you is you. And that means you need to learn about yourself through your own mistakes and failures. Life is an experience of growth – the aim should not be constant comfort. Have you met people who have only experienced comfort in their life? Did you appreciate their behavior? I think the answer is no.

You can’t please everybody If your goal is to be the best version of yourself, you approach life with the corresponding mindset and a glint in your eye. You know there will be hindrances, tests, unpleasant steps, and challenges. If you know this you can embrace them as part of your life, accepting it with steadfastness and resolve. 

Even if you’ll always care, to a degree, what certain people think about you, you can’t please everyone. It’s just not possible. 

There are soon 8 billion people on this planet. Every single one of them has their own unique opinions, beliefs, and contributions to make to this world. No one is the exact same. 

For everyone who approves of you and your life choices, many people don’t. This is the same no matter how perfectly you try to lead your life and how conscious you are of everyone else’s thoughts and feelings. 

People-pleasing will make you lose sight of what you want and how important your opinions and thoughts are. And … no one will thank you for it, anyway. 

Who cares about about what you’re up to, anyway? – Nobody!

People are too busy with themselves to give much thought about you. They are too occupied with wondering what you think of them 🙂 Giving a f*ck what people think means spending your life knowing that somewhere out there is someone who would judge you. That’s exhausting, and it’s no way to function healthily. Stop trying to please everyone. What somebody thinks of you has nothing to do with you anyway. Instead it has everything to do with them, their past, their judgments, their expectations, their likes, and their dislikes.

Nobody else is living your life. They might have opinions or ideas, but the only person who knows what is best for you is you. And that means you need to learn about yourself through your own mistakes and failures.

Don’t base your feelings on Other people’s Opinions 

When we base our feelings on other people’s opinions, we are allowing them to control our lives. We’re basically allowing them to be our puppet master, and when they pull the strings just right, we either feel good or bad.

If somebody ignores you, you feel bad. You may think “he made me feel this way by ignoring me.” But the truth is, he has no control over how you feel. It is you who assigned meaning to that action. To you, that meant that you are not worth his time, or you are not likable enough, smart enough, or cool enough. But the reason for him not having any time might have been something you are unaware of. Our thoughts are usually automatic or even on the unconscious level, so it may take some digging to figure out what thought is causing your emotion. 

Be Free, be You

Stop trying to please everyone. Stop worrying about what other people think. It will transform your life. It will make your life freer and liberate space for creativity. Fulfillment comes from living your truth, living up to your own values.